Christmas is stressful, huh? From decorating the Christmas tree to wrapping all the Gifts. So, why don’t you have a Ho Ho Ho break? As here are the 231+ Funny Christmas Quotes that will make you laugh till the New Year, guaranteed!
Funny Christmas Quotes
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney
You can feel a real let-down after Christmas. Especially when all you have to look forward to is your New Year’s resolutions. ~ Melanie White
Funny Quotes on Christmas
If you mistakenly wrap a Christmas present in the paper that says “Happy Birthday”… You can always write “to Jesus” on it.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying: ‘Toys not included’. ~Bernard Manning
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
This Christmas let’s try to keep things in their proper perspective. After all, credit cards do have their limits.
” The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe
Next to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~Johnny Carson
Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas. ~Melanie White
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.
Why were there only three kings at Jesus’ birth? Elvis had not yet entered the building.
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? ~Bart Simpson
Would you like some Christmas thanks or perhaps a bunch of Christmas pranks?
Can I get a Picture of You so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.
There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron
Funny Christmas Quotes Movies
Movie: Harry Potter
Professor Dumbledore: “One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”
Movie: The Santa Clause
Charlie: “These are Santa’s reindeer, aren’t they?”
Scott Calvin: “I hope not. These are… A gift. Probably from the cable company. We’re getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.”
Movie: How the Grinch Stole Christmas
The Grinch: “Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.”
Movie: A Charlie Brown Christmas
Charlie Brown: “Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.”
Violet: “I didn’t send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.”
Charlie Brown: “Don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?”
Movie: Jingle All The Way
Tony the Elf: “It’s the Grinch! Scatter!”
Related: 151+ Holy Bible Quotes for Christmas
Movie: Love Actually
Harry: “Christmas shopping. Never an easy or pleasant task.”
Movie: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
Sheriff George of Nottingham: “Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings. And call off Christmas!”
Movie: Home Alone
Santa Claus: “Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”
Father Christmas: “If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.”
Movie: Married with Children
Al Bundy: “I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, ‘I want this,’ ‘Get me this,’ ‘I have to have this’… and then there are the children. And they’re all by my store ’cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. ‘Ho, ho, ho,’ all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I’m the bad guy.”
Movie: We’re No Angels
Joseph: “I’m going to buy them their Christmas turkey”
Albert: “Buy? Do you really mean buy?”
Joseph: “Yes, buy! In the Spirit of Christmas. The hard part’s going to be stealing the money to pay for it.”
Bart Simpson: “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa”
Movie: ‘The Santa Clause’ – Go Back to Sleep
Sarah: “Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?”
Scott Calvin: “Because Santa is…watching his saturated fats!”
Sarah: “How come you don’t have a beard?”
Scott Calvin: “Because I shaved.” (Pulls out a toy) “Now, do you want this doll or not?!? Go back to sleep!”
Movie: ‘Christmas Vacation’ – Happy Hanukkah
Frank Shirley: Write a summary and have it to me by the end of the day.
Clark Griswold: My pleasure.
Frank Shirley: Layman’s terms. None of that inside bullsh*t jargon nobody understands.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir… Oh, Mr. Shirley. We got your Christmas card the other day, and my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us.
Executive: (to Mr. Shirley) Corporate cards.
Frank Shirley: Don’t forget that report, Bill.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you. Merry Christmas. (to Executive) Merry Christmas. (to Executive) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Movie: ‘Trading Places’ – Christmas Bonus
Randolph: “Ezra! Right on time. I’ll bet you thought I’d forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are…”
Ezra: “Five dollars. Maybe I’ll go to the movies… by myself.”
Mortimer: “Half of it is from me.”
Ezra: “Thank you, Mr. Mortimer.” (mouths silently) “A**hole.”
Movie: ‘Scrooged’ – Close Your Eyes
Ghost of Christmas Present: “Close your eyes, and think of snowflakes and moonbeams and whiskers on kittens.” (Seeks Frank peeking, pokes his eyes) “No peeking! …Of rainbows, forget-me-nots, of misty meadows and sun-dappled pools. Oh, look! There’s Mr. Hedgehog. I wonder where he’s going? Perhaps to Harlem!” (Punches Frank in the jaw)
Frank: “My jaw!”
Ghost of Christmas Present: “Ohhh, sometimes the truth is painful, Frank.” (Slaps Frank) “But it’s made your cheeks rosy and your eyes bright as stars.”
Frank: “If you touch me again, I’ll rip your g*dd**ned wings off, okay?!?”
Ghost of Christmas Present: “Oh, you know I like the rough stuff, don’t you Frank?”
Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards
Merry Christmas, and hippy new year (For the more ancient folks in your family)
Christmas comes but once a year, but when it comes, it better brings good beer.
When I think about you, I touch my elf. (Ok, definitely don’t give that one to grandma.)
This season, surround yourself with hos. (Maybe don’t give that one to grandma.)
But first, let me take an elfie.
On Santa’s grocery shopping day — He’s making a list, chicken, and rice.
All I want for Christmas is to see the link to my wish list.
What did the three wise salesmen offer at the manger? Gold and frankincense. But wait! There’s myrrh.
What do you call Santa when he uses Apple Maps? A lost Claus.
You better check yo elf before you wreck yo elf. (Sorry, I had to.)
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
Time to get into the Christmas spirit – vodka, gin, rum, etc.
Santa saw your Instagram. You’re getting a muumuu and a Bible for Christmas.
May your holidays be as lovely as they look on Instagram.
I put so much thought into your gift, that I never got around to actually buying it. Merry Christmas, anyway!
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me … What is this, and did you keep the receipt?
Yoda caroling: A Merry Christmas, we wish you. A Merry Christmas, we wish you.
I hope you’re less like Santa, and visit me more than once a year.
Wishing you the gifts of the season — Peace, Joy, and Cabernet Sauvignon.
Funny Christmas Quotes Short
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
“It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson
“We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben
“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz
“Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee
Funny Christmas Quotes on Gifts
”The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
Funny Christmas Quotes Images
Dear Santa, for Christmas I want a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don‘t confuse it as you did last year.
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx
” The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno
Funny Merry Christmas Quotes
“There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig
“I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” — Elf
Funny Christmas Quotes for Friends
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser
Christmas Quotes Love
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” — Don Marquis
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown
Happy Christmas Quotes Funny
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
”Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
”A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White
Funny Christmas Vacation Quotes
“Looks great. Little full, lotta sap.” – Clark Griswold
“Do you hear it? It’s a funny, squeaky sound!” – Aunt Bethany
“This isn’t charity; it’s family.” – Clark Griswold
“Do you hear it? It’s a funny, squeaky sound!” – Aunt Bethany
“Hey kids, look! A deer!” – Clark Griswold
“I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” – Ellen Griswold
“I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.” – Clark Griswold
Funny Merry Christmas Quotes Short
“What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” – Grandpa Art
“Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” – Clark Griswold
“If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all.” – Cousin Eddie
“Surprised, Eddie?… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” – Clark Griswold
“We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” — Clark Griswold
Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband, he knows not what he does.” — Ellen Griswold
“Amen!” — Clark Griswold
“Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard!” — Rusty Griswold
“It’s not going in our yard, Russ. It’s going in our living room.” — Clark Griswold
“Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Christhmath.” — Clark Griswold
“Honey, they’re family—not strangers off the street.” — Clark Griswold
“I was just smelling…smiling! I was just blouse…browsing!” — Clark Griswold
“It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter-hotter! Than they are.” — Clark Griswold
“And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?!” — Margo Chester
“I don’t know Margo!” — Todd Chester
“I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.” — Audrey Griswold
“If they know you’re dad, they won’t think anything of it.” — Grandpa Art
My Christmas tree’s still up, bringing Christmas cheer 24/7 365 days a year.
Love is the main aspect of the Christmas tree but not the money or the height.
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. ~Andy Rooney
The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect! ~Charles N. Barnard
I don’t need a star on my tree, I already have one in heaven shining down on me.
Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead. ~Bill Bryson
Hope I see you under my Christmas tree because you are what I want for Christmas.
The Christmas spirit that goes out with the dried-up Christmas tree is just as worthless.
If my Valentine you won’t be, I’ll hang myself on your Christmas tree. ~Ernest Hemingway
Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it. It’s about who’s around it.
The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There’s a kind of glory to them when they’re all lit up that exceeds anything all the money in the world could buy. ~Andy Rooney
Now I’m an old Christmas tree, the roots of which have died. They just come along and while the little needles fall off me replace them with medallions. ~Orson Welles
Don’t measure the height of your Christmas tree. Measure the abundance of love present in your heart! Have a Blessed Christmas!
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hills
There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard. ~Dan Florence
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde
“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’”
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
“Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”
“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.”
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”
Funny Christmas Shopping Quotes
“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” – Donald E. Westlake, crime fiction writer
“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” – Grace Kriley
“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis, columnist, and author
“Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.” – Oren Arnold, author
“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by Cola-Cola, fast food, and beer. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?” – Bill Watterson, cartoonist, and creator of Calvin and Hobbes
“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – English Proverb
“Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.” – Harlan Miller, writer
“Consider Christmas — could Satan in his most malignant mood have devised a worse combination of graft plus bunkum than the system whereby several hundred million people get a billion or so gifts for which they have no use, and some thousands of shop clerks die of exhaustion while selling them, and every other child in the Western world is made ill from overeating — all in the name of the lowly Jesus?” – Upton Sinclair, author
“Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping.”
“The magi, as you know, were wise men — wonderfully wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.” – O. Henry, short story writer
Your office Christmas party is a perfect platform to gather blackmail material.
I’d go to an office Christmas party if my coworkers weren’t invited.
“I’ve had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, ‘No! No! This wasn’t what it was supposed to be about, people!’ Then if there’s a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, ‘Listen, fat man, you’re just a clown at my birthday party.’”
Anyone who believes that men are equal to women has to see a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Dear Santa, I was good all year, well most of the year… right, sometimes… at least a few times… OK, I’ll buy it myself.
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.
Christmas is like a regular day at the office. You have to do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the deserts.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would come into our neighborhood after the dark.
Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!
You are my best buddy, who pulled my leg always and enjoyed my frightful moments. Merry Christmas to my sweetheart, who has been the red chilly in my life.
Your height is a sight to remember, which reminds me of love coming in tiny packets. I wish that Santa Claus gets a height increasing medicine as a gift for you. Jokingly yours always. Merry Christmas to you.
My dear lovely fatso. Love you for your chubbiness and the dwindling tires in your tummy. This Christmas, I would pray to Jesus that he send the “gift of the slim figure” for you to make you smarter. Merry Christmas.
Nothing in this world is as smart as you because of your witty nature and intense humor. You make my day every time with naughty remarks. Merry Christmas to the clown in my life.
Old friends are like old wine, which gets better with time. And of course, the taste of friendship remains intact. This Christmas, I remind you that you owe me a treat like every year. Merry Christmas 2020
Like is worth enjoying with a friend like you, who have always been bringing moments of joy. You complete me in times of fun and sorrow too. I pray to Lord Jesus to strengthen our friendship more this Christmas.
May the festival of Christmas bring peace and prosperity in your life because you hold a special position in my heart. Merry Christmas to my dear buddy.
May the sweet magic of Christmas not only fill your heart with love and peace; it develops a long lasting bridge between us. Thanks for being my friend always. Merry Christmas to you.
We shared smiles, we shared love and we shared sorrows. My life without you is incomplete and unimaginable. So, let us get together again to blast the balloons of fun this Christmas.
Christmas is for spending time with those we love most. I am so glad to spend it with you!
Baby all I want for Christmas is you.
You can kiss me whenever you want… No mistletoe needed.
This year I have the best gift ever. I have you in my life! Merry Christmas!
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
“Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.”
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” – Erma Bombeck
I am so grateful for the best gift of all this Christmas – You! Merry Christmas to you, my love.
What happens under the mistletoe, stays under the mistletoe.
Funny Christmas Quotes for Shopping
“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” – Author unknown
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry, humor columnist
“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” – Dave Barry, humor columnist
“One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present.” – Author Unknown
The gift of love, the gift of peace The gift of happiness…May these are yours at Christmas.
I put so much thought into your gift it’s now too late to get it.
Funny Christmas Quotes from the Office
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Christmas is a time when you get homesick…even when you’re home.
“Guess who I am sitting here dressed as. I will give you a hint: His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight and can heal leopards.”
“Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing you can say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.’”
Funny Christmas Lights Quotes
Christmas lights instantly make me feel eight years old again.
What is Christmas but the metaphoric light by which we live our lives?
May all your troubles soon be gone. Oh, Christmas lights keep shining on.
Everlasting your light will “SHINE” when all else “FADES”. Merry Christmas.
Jesus is the brightest Christmas light. Jesus is the only light that will never burn out or be unplugged.
It’s the first day of spring. That means this weekend I’ll take down my Christmas lights. ~ David Letterman
You fellows ever thought of hiring out as a Christmas lights crew? You’d make a fortune. ~ Ilona Andrews
I love Christmas, not just because of the presents but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season. ~ Ashley Tisdale
I love Christmas. I really do love Christmas. I love being with my family and I love snow. I love the music and the lights and all of it. ~ Christina Applegate
At Christmas, the light of each of us helps light the night with another kind of luminosity: all so much silver and moonlight mixed in with strings of dancing Christmas lights.
Funny Christmas Quotes from Elf
“What about Santa’s cookies? I suppose parents eat those, too?” – Elf movie
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” – Elf movie
“Watch out, the yellow ones don’t stop!” – Elf movie
“Leave the gum on the street.” – Elf movie
“I’m in a store and I’m singing!” – Elf movie
“He’s an angry elf, he’s from the South Pole.” – Elf movie
“Good news! I saw a dog today!” – Elf movie
“Francisco! That’s fun to say! Francisco. Frannncisco. Franciscooo.” – Elf movie
Funny Christmas Quotes for Boss
Don’t forget to listen to Santa this Christmas, Action the moment He tells you something. Merry Christmas Boss!
You don’t need much celebration this Christmas, filling our wallet with some money to spend will highly be appreciated. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is that the day for blessings and love, How about we celebrate this Christmas in the office. Merry Christmas to you.
You are a true Santa, I didn’t expect my salary to double this Christmas. May it continue the same throughout the year! Merry Christmas Boss!
This is so generous of you, Hope you continue with the same spirit come next year. Merry Christmas Boss!
Merry Christmas, May Santa make your wish come true this festive season
Funny Christmas Holiday Quotes
“You know what I got for Christmas? Fat.” — Unknown
“Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.” — Unknown
“Dear Santa, I was framed.” — Unknown
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
“I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” — Charlotte Christmas
“Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” Dave Barry
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser
“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” ― Dave Barry
”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee